One more thing... Let's Talk Bowling

"The Crew" (aka everyone except Tyler and Jimmy) went to Bellevue's Swankiest bowling alley tonight, Lincoln Bowl.

It got me thinking about a new game. And that got me thinking about girls. Let me explain:

Reynor: "Hey -- let's make a Warhammer Fantasy version of bowling."
Jake: "What would we call it? Death Bowl?"

later...

Reynor: "We could use scatter dice to indicate the direction the bowling ball goes."
Jake: (Nodding and pursing his lips in a Jakey kind of way) "That could work."
Reynor: "Or we could make the entire game kinetic based. That was H.G. Wells' original vision of wargames -- he said you should have to aim and actually shoot at models."
Jake: "I think it would be better if we bowl the actual models over."
Reynor: "Oh! And we could use Fanatics!"

Hmmmm.

So anyways, Jake got distracted cuz Kitty sat on him. I tried not to look at Drunk Garrit-cum-Hasselhoff reclining on one of the bowling sofas. So I gazed a couple alleys down at some Pretty Cute Girls. And I thought girls... girls... girls... and I realized a dorky game where we shoot/bowl over ACTUAL MODELS might be something chicks would dig. Don't ask me why. It doesn't make sense now, but at the time it did. Maybe I was just wishing for more chicks around besides the Lapdancee Carmen, Kitty the Wondergirlfriend and Maula, my Honorary Girlfriend (which gives her rights to be an ASB member).

Anyways back to bowling. Since Everything is Better with Greenskins(TM) I think the game should be all about Orcs and Goblins doing their own version of bowling. I don't think any other races should be involved in the game except maybe Dark Elves and Ogres (those are the only other two races that take an equal delight in hurting their own people). For the time being I prefer only Greenskins.

And I'm gonna get radical here. I'm gonna get crazy. I'm gonna say let's forget about numbers and stats. Let's make this about SKILLZ!!

So we got Fanatics, Orcs throwing them at Skull Pass Goblins, some kind of kinetic skill to do said knocking, and hot chicks getting out their aggression toward our "hobby." Sounds perfect.

What's missing?

Rubber bands.

Finger sling shots.

Bouncy balls.

Jeff dancing.

Have I missed anything?

So everybody break out your Skull Pass Goblins (and you know you have them). Run to QFC for a bouncy ball. Flirt with Maula on the way back... and LET'S GO BOWLING!

You think about that for awhile. I dare you. Cuz IT'S GONNA BLOW YOUR FREAKIN' MIND!!!!

Goodnight.

P.S. I'm going to take this moment to confess that I have not seen "The Big Lewbowski." Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

I'm a sellout

There's been a takeover. A merger. A buyout of sorts. Very common in this day and age. My blog has been enveloped in another. I'm officially an ASBlogger now. So this little home of my random musings will no longer exist -- at least not as a gaming blog.

Conan himself (Jeff) asked me to be one of the ASB bloggers. A prestigious honor, to be sure. I think it's cuz I write more than he does. I find it funny cuz I'm the one who knows least about all these wacky games we play. :P

In case you are wondering, the ASB blog will be paying me BIG MONEY for my words. So don't worry.

And fear not my loyal readers (both of you). You can still be my biggest fan at http://adultswimbunker.blogspot.com

I told myself I wouldn't cry. But I can't help it. This is the right step for my blogging career at this time. Just keep telling yourself that, Reynor. But somehow I will still miss my own little corner of the super gamer geek blogosphere.

Field of Glory

Jake and I did some text dueling a week or so ago. The conversation went something like this:

Me: What do you like better, Warhammer or War of the Ring?
Jake: WOTR has some rules problems, Warhammer is totally unbalanced. I like the Fantasy models more. Pretty equal right now.

I think Jake summed it up pretty well. I haven't played 40k seriously in several years, but I'm thinking it may be the same level of unbalancedness.

But there's this other game. It's not Games Workshop at all. It's called Field of Glory. Historical. Ancient. Painstakingly balanced.

And did I mention you can build an 15 mm army for $60 to $100? Of course you can also play with 25 mm figs. (What would we use? Bretonnians? Empire?).

I'm planning on going up to Panzer Depot in Kirkland, the Eastside's friendly neighborhood historical wargame hangout, and learn the ropes of the game. The ruleset is reputed to be easy to grasp in a game or two. An excerpt from the book:

"Pick and army from a period of history that interests and enthuses you... as there are no "super armies" in Field of Glory..."

Kinda interesting what happens when game rules are published by a company that doesn't also manufacture miniatures for said game. :)

Oh, and they are making a videogame version for online folly.

And no magic!!!

So who's down?

Reynor plus Warboss on Wyvern = LUV

Okay well even though the new Azhag model is coming out next month, I still bought the old Warboss on Wyvern model a couple days ago.

I just got done pinning it and I love it! Jeff and I are planning a game for Wednesday and I can't wait.

I dunno if I'll win or not. Don't care. Just but I have a list (that I copied from someone on Da-Warpath.com) and I think I'll try to use it for awhile, tune it a bit.

My Empire for an Empire army

Well as ya'll know, I've been pining for an Empire army for some time now -- at least a few weeks. What's stopped me from making one? The price tag.

Empire is great. It's flexible -- you can go magic, shooting, artillery, cavalry, infantry -- or a healthy mix of 'em all. It can be all plastic -- no white metal monstrous mounts to pin and glue and file and fight. But like most Horde armies, it's spendy spendy spendy.

Witness my dream list. I won't take credit for thinking it up. I borrowed it whole and full from the Reman Legions website. He, in turn, borrowed the concepts for it from the "TVI" build -- an Imperial list created by a guy using the "The Village Idiot" as his moniker on warhammer-empire.com.

Basically, it's a list that takes advantage of my favorite thing about Empire armies -- the detachment system. The list focuses on great gobs of Empire swordsmen. When I design Orc & Goblin lists, I try to design them with these things in mind (which of course, they can't do because of Animosity).

It's a magic-free list. It's got just a tad of shooting (mostly warmachines) and it's done well at tournaments (albeit with a heavily-converted, competently-painted army).

However, the looming price tag on this list: $600+ after tax.

Now call me crazy, but I'm of the opinion that $300-350 is the sweet spot for Warhammer armies -- at least at 2250. And as badly as I want to play this list, I just can't imagine sinking this kind of green into it. I mean what if it just sucks? What if it isn't my style. I spend $400-450 on my initial Orcs & Goblins build -- and have been frustrated ever since. And I've bought Ogres since then (which I love but don't expect to win with). And lets not even talk about how long it would take to glue this army together -- let alone paint it.

Anyway, here's the list for your perusal. Maybe I'll do it. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll just do 1000 points at a time to make it a less-bitter drug of choice to swallow.

2250 Pts - Empire Roster - 2250 Reman Legions Empire

1 General of the Empire @ 145 Pts
General; Hand Weapon; Full Plate Armor; Shield
1 Rod of Command @ [50] Pts

1 Captain of the Empire (Battle Standard Bearer) @ 183 Pts
Hand Weapon; Full Plate Armor; Battle Standard Bearer
1 Imperial Banner @ [100] Pts

1 Captain of the Empire @ 60 Pts
Hand Weapon; Full Plate Armor; Shield

1 Captain of the Empire @ 60 Pts
Hand Weapon; Full Plate Armor; Shield

28 Swordsmen @ 318 Pts
Musician Mus; Standard Bearer Std; Hand Weapon; Light Armour; Shield
1 Duellist @ [16] Pts
Hand Weapon; Light Armour; Shield
1 War Banner @ [25] Pts
5 [Det] Archers @ [40] Pts
Hand Weapon; Bow; Skirmishers
9 [Det] Swordsmen @ [54] Pts
Hand Weapon; Light Armour; Shield

29 Swordsmen @ 283 Pts
Musician Mus; Standard Bearer Std; Hand Weapon; Light Armour; Shield
5 [Det] Archers @ [40] Pts
Hand Weapon; Bow; Skirmishers
9 [Det] Swordsmen @ [54] Pts
Hand Weapon; Light Armour; Shield

28 Swordsmen @ 293 Pts
Musician Mus; Standard Bearer Std; Hand Weapon; Light Armour; Shield
1 Duellist @ [16] Pts
Hand Weapon; Light Armour; Shield
5 [Det] Archers @ [40] Pts
Hand Weapon; Bow; Skirmishers
9 [Det] Swordsmen @ [54] Pts
Hand Weapon; Light Armour; Shield

29 Swordsmen @ 283 Pts
Musician Mus; Standard Bearer Std; Hand Weapon; Light Armour; Shield
5 [Det] Archers @ [40] Pts
Hand Weapon; Bow; Skirmishers
9 [Det] Swordsmen @ [54] Pts
Hand Weapon; Light Armour; Shield

5 Pistoliers @ 97 Pts
Musician Mus; Hand Weapon; Brace of Pistols; Light Armour; Fast Cavalry
5 Warhorse @ [0] Pts

5 Pistoliers @ 97 Pts
Musician Mus; Hand Weapon; Brace of Pistols; Light Armour; Fast Cavalry
5 Warhorse @ [0] Pts

1 Great Cannon @ 100 Pts
Cannon
3 Crew @ [0] Pts
Hand Weapon

1 Great Cannon @ 100 Pts
Cannon
3 Crew @ [0] Pts
Hand Weapon

1 Helstorm Rocket Battery @ 115 Pts
3 Crew @ [0] Pts
Hand Weapon

1 Helstorm Rocket Battery @ 115 Pts
3 Crew @ [0] Pts
Hand Weapon

Total Roster Cost: 2249
202 Models!
2 Casting Dice
2 Dispel Dice

Your thoughts?

Also: I'm trying to keep in mind that "tournament-winning" armies may have also won due to high composition and paint scores. So would this be a competitive "friendly" list for around the Battle Bunker? I know it's not cheesy. That's not my concern. It's just a lot of little infantry that I will probably never get around to painting and it would be a shame if I realized that I should have put together a more balanced force!

Thanks guys!

The Return to Innocence: 40k

It all started 21 years ago. After school one day I had the crap beaten out of me. Two surgeries later, I had months of time to spend alone. I got into role-playing games and eventually into this weird new RPG-Wargame amalgam: Warhammer 40,000.

Flash forward to late 2008. I'm working at a Unitarian church in Factoria. At lunch, I usually shoot down the hill to get a hot sandwich at QFC. One day I park in the lot right in front of Games Workshop.

I promise myself that I'll never go in there. Every time I've gotten interested in GW Games -- particularly as an adult -- I've spent a good deal of money on miniatures that I barely even get to play with.

But despite my dogmatic ego-based oath to never enter the store, I stop by "just to see what the newest Space Marines minis are like these days." The love for everything Warhammer never truly drained out of me.

Within a few short months I had made the switch whole hog from 40k to Fantasy -- preferring the more mature crowd of gamers at the bunker.

It may be time for a switch back, however. I gladly submit that Fantasy is a better rules system. But my Tuesdays (Fantasy night at the Bunker), Thursdays (ASB night at the Bunker) and Saturdays are booked. I go to school from 8 a.m. til 7 p.m. and usually put in a good 1-2 hours of landscaping after that.

So as I frantically search for a suitable Fantasy army to play opponents who will either bug the hell out of me or whom I will never see, I remember that I have at least $500 of plastic 40k Orks piled up in drawers around my room. And I remember that Orks in 40k are among the most competitive armies. And I remember that Wednesday is 40k night at the Bunker. And I think
"Without even spending a dollar, I could try 40k out again. If it sucks, it sucks. But if it's decent, then I have a way to keep gaming while I'm going to school."

So that's that. If the 40k crowd turns out to be crappy (and it's likely it will be -- it's crawling with power-loving teenage boys), and I can't find time to play with my ASB homies (working 40+ hours and schooling 33+ hours, mixed with single-dadding, doesn't leave time for much) then mayhaps I'll find a new hobby. Flames of War? Field of Glory?

Meanwhile, I'll dust off the Space Orks (as we old guys call them) and land them atop a plastic planetscape at El Bunker. And mayhaps I'll keep saving for the Fantasy army I really want...

The Horror: Obnoxious Opponents

Last week I wanted to quit this hobby whole hog because I played Fantasy with an obnoxious opponent* on a Friday evening. I soon regretted it.

Here's a few examples of my opponent's sins:

1. Bragging loudly to other gamers in the store about how I had not caused "one single wound" to his army.

2. Saying things like "So that's 11 more dead Gnoblars!" with a gleeful, taunting voice instead of just saying "11 wounds -- do you get a save?" with some sportsmanlike concern.

3. Forcing us to count out combat resolution when I was clearly down to double-ones. I kept saying, "Dude -- you won combat. I'm down to double ones. We don't have to do the dice counting thing." He replied: "But there's still Overkill to count!!!"

4. Not allowing me to concede the game at the end of turn 4 when I had only one unit left on the table. "It goes to turn 6," he said. He really really wanted to keep wailing on me (I think he was looking for a tabled game and bragging rights).

I should have known. I had heard this person say "I won my first game of Fantasy in 30 minutes!" and "I've only been playing Fantasy for three weeks. I've played six games and not lost a single one!" He has a great record? Terrific. But truly great gamers don't brag.

Look people -- if you are going to play any type of tabletop wargame, you have an obligation to your opponent: Provide entertainment for him/her for the entire game. She or he spent a lot of time and money on their models. They are spending a big chunk of their day with you (three hours for a 2250 Fantasy game). Be nice. Don't brag. Let your opponent concede. Offer advice. Be sympathetic.

Gil and I played against great opponents in our first game during the Doubles Tournament. I rolled horribly. Our Ogres ran and died and burned and cried. The whole time our opponents were gracious and kind and seemed to honestly feel bad. Later they said "Sure -- we wanted to win -- but not like that." The important thing is they were respectful and allowed us to laugh at ourselves. We had fun playing them even though they absolutely immolated us.

Anyway -- the moral of the story: Be nice and people will play with you. Be a jerk and you'll find yourself with fewer people to play.

'Nuff said.

*By the way, said this particular opponent is a fictional amalgam of the last few super-obnoxious people I have played against in the last month or two.

Fantasy

I miss Fantasy. I do I do.

And while I like War of the Ring, my gut tells me that the ASB crew is not going to be too stoked for it after the 1k tourney.

So um hmmmm.

Will you guys play Fantasy with me? I can't play on Tuesday night and really want to play. ALSO: I'm still trying to decide what army to start or how to engineer my orcs to be more reliable.

BUT MAINLY I WANT TO PLAY. So play with me.

Quandry

Quandry:

Jeff wants my Rohan stuff. I already promised it to Gil. But Jeff gave me at least half of it in the first place.

So what's the ethical thing to do?

Time for some boy stuff

Despite the fact that I love all this haircutting stuff at Gene Juarez Academy, about halfway through cropping a mannequin's hair the other day, I turned to my classmate and said: "Okay. I'm ready for some boy stuff now."

Don't get me wrong. I loves me some beauty school. Like Jeff (AKA Conan), I spend my days surrounded by beautiful women. There's even one I have my eye on. And I'm also feeling confident about my cutting skillz. But dang it all if I don't want to do some guy stuff.

A Wednesday evening of shenanigans at Conan's parents' Bond Villain-esque swimming pool helped (aided by the sexiness of a party store Bond girl in bikini). But I gotta find time to get to the Bunker, B.S. with the crew, roll some dice and eat some junk food. Then I can get back to cutting hair and flirting with the hot chick who likes Dragonforce and military history.

Enjoying the hobby all alone...

It's nearly noon and I have just rolled out of bed after reading the adventures of Ciaphas Cain for the last few hours.

Had a down day at beauty school yesterday. It would seem as though my Catachan-sized fists are too big for haircutting shears. Of course most of them are made for women. But after meeting with a shear specialist, it appears as though none will fit my massive thumbs. So I'm using razor-sharp professional shears (larger, but not by much). The result? My hands are nipped up (lost the top of a couple of knuckles). It feels as though I will never be able to d oit right. So yesterday and this morning I felt despondent. At least until I returned to the 41st Millenium.

After a few hours of disappearing into the universe of the Imperial Guard and a shallow, self-centered Commissar, I am cured of my depression. Over the last two weeks, I have rarely traveled to my Oasis of Perpetual Childhood, the Seattle Battle Bunker. But I realized there are many ways to escape into the Games Workshop hobby while nary breathing a word to my long-lost fellow hobbyists. Even with hands too traumatized to hobby, a fat, meaty, funny 40k novel can lift my spirits and help me see my way to another 11-hour day of cutting mannequin hair tomorrow.

And, though I seem miserable with this haircutting thing, I'm not. It's super creative and artistic. I'm having a ton of fun. And my fellow beauty schoolers are pleasant (and attractive) companions. Nonetheless, I am thankful to Games Workshop and it's kooky collection of childish distractions for lifting my spirits YET AGAIN.

Games Workshop, in the name of the Emperor, I salute you.

Ogre League

This is an idea I've had for a little while. Mini Ogre battles.

As you all know, I have a zillion Ogres. And I have never failed to have fun playing with them, even though they like to run away from things like skeletons, zombies and night goblins. But they are always fun. And when I (or we, in the case of Gil and I) win, it feels so good.

Anyhoo, I gots a lot of them. Most of them are even painted! So I thought about having a night every so often where we throw down with Ogres. Split 'em up into little 500-pt teams and duke it out. Have a ladder. Etc. Blah blah blah.

The metagame would be interesting. What combo of Ogres would do best? How fast would the games go? What if we threw in some other creatures against Ogres?

I know that there are already rules for Pit Fighter, which feature an Ogre character. But that game is a little different from what I'm envisioning here. I'm envisioning pure Ogres with a little more Warhammer Fantasy rules. Heck, we could even boost it up to a few more points over time.

Mostly, I think it would be fun to see how other players field and play with Ogre armies. And while there are people who don't like to see similar armies play against each other, in this case it makes sense. Ogres like to fight almost as much as Greenskins. So it would make perfect sense for them to battle each other.

Anyways, it all goes back to my idea of having fun fast games in short evenings (like between 8 p.m. and 10 p.m.). Maybe it would start as simple as one Ogre versus another. Maybe Pit Fighter rules are the best?

Anyways, that's my idea of the day. Maybe it's too big? Maybe we should just stick to Pit Fighter?

Stop. Baby time.

As most of you know, I'm the father of a nine-month old baby, Kaliq.

His mother and I split up due to super unfortunate circumstances which I won't delve into here. She's been caring for him for the last nine months. However, she has just started nursing school. Full on nursing school. She's in school 40 hours a week and still finds a way to work 24 hours a week. Add homework on top of all that and she has very little time for baby Kaliq.

Enter Daddy Reynor. Up until now I've been spending two days a week with baby. Now he is over at my house almost every other night. His mom is so busy she can't even pick him up from his grandmother's house after she is done studying.

Personally, I love it. I love being able to spend quality time with my son. I also hope I am alleviating some of his mommy separation anxiety. Meanwhile, I'm my bit for the allure of all womanity by studying at Gene Juarez Academy. Unfortunately, all this good stuff means less time at the Battle Bunker and less time at Adult Swim.

So I'm narrowing down my projects (hence Sir Gil's inheritance of my Rohan WoTR army). And I'm doing a lot of hobbying at home during nap time. I'm also thinking about focusing on my Specialist Games projects a little more. Instead of lusting after a 200-man Empire army, maybe I'll make a colorful Marienberg Mordheim Warband? Instead of starting a super duper Imperial Guard army, maybe I'll get a command box of Catachans and make a core force for Necromunda. Heck, maybe I'll even focus on some of the nifty Warhammer Skirmish scenarios that the big GW unleashed a few years back (ancient history to some of you kiddies out there)

Oh yeah. And I may just go against the Aydult Suhwim grain and do some small force painting for the dreaded iHate (TM) Warhammer 40,000.

And then there are my ever-luvin' blue-eyed Ogres. (They never shoulda signed up for that trip inta space with Reed). I've got a few and could get a few more :D. They are minimum painting time to be sure. Read more later on.

In any case, time is tighter than ever. Yet my passion for the hobby is no less than it has been. It just means smaller doses and maybe less time chilling with all youse guys.

So I'll continue posting my brilliant ideas on my bloggy and hope that some of you kids out there would welcome the chance to play with me (Pit Fighter anyone?) I'll also try to seduce my GW virgin friends into said games.

A few guidelines I'm looking for in GW game funness:

- Games you can play in an hour or so. Blood Bowl definitely doesn't fit this category unless we go to the Chess clock style of play (Jason has one).
- Inquisitor. I think this game is actually designed to be played in one-hour chunks. The narrative, non-competitive aspect of it also gives me braingrins.
- Mordheim. This is the queen of quick-play games. And my dwarf warband is ready for some serious warpstone delving. True, one-off games of this fabulous mini-Fantasy game are not that exciting (campaigns are its heart).
- Lord of the Rings. Remember that Tabletop Strategy Game that everyone used to play before WoTR came out? You know the one you can play with a couple dozen models real fast-like? That could be fun, too.

Good thing we're all waaay into Blood Bowl at the moment. There's also talk of Necromunda. Brian is busting out some super duper Inquisitor terrain (and I'm recruiting RPG lovers to join the fray -- guys who never play GW games). So there are promises of smaller games ahead -- stuff I can squeeze into a short evening after school. Hopefully you guys will be willing to throw down for some of these games.

Sir Gil, I bequeath you, Rohan

Since I'm spending the next 13 months of my life learning to make the women of the world even beautifuller at Gene Juarez Academy, it seems as if I will not have time to play in the upcoming War of the Ring tournament. I am left with 54 Riders of Rohan (though two of those horsies are for Jose and Alex), a bunch of Oathsworn Militia and Bowmen, Theoden, Eomyr, etc.

And Sir Gil, you have shown a decided interest in painting and playing with said Rohirrim. Therefore, at our next earliest convenience I shall bequeath all that is Rohan to you.

Please crush the following people with it:

- Jeff
- Jose
- Jake

You may also crush other players as you see fit. Crushing Garrit and Alex is optional because they play Elves.

Old War Stories

Though I haven't been in a 40k mood for a long while, I loved the article "Old War Stories" in the latest White Dwarf.

It struck me as the perfect kind of tabletop game -- the narrative kind. Two friends make up a story background; kind of a "Previously, on 'Lost.'" A small group of Catachan survivors of an Ork planetary infestation are determined to infiltrate the greenskin camp to recover the proud banners of their tattered Battalions. They are hopelessly outnumbered by the green horde. They have one thing on their side: stealth.

The two gamers involved make up the whole story. They dream up characters. They create their own rules to govern the Catachan sneaky knife guy "He-Who-Has-No-Name." Essentially, they are game masters -- for each other. It's sort of a large scale RPG. They are interested more in the drama and not the "I win!" moment.

This article made me remember why I got into 40k waaaaay back in the dawn of time (also known as 1988). At the time 40k was a narrative skirmish game -- a hybrid wargame and RPG. It's creator, Rick Priestly, meant it to be something revolutionary. And it was. But not in the way he anticipated.

But I digress.

Back in '88 I liked 40k for it's possibilities as a "two player RPG." And at the time, I was recovering from an assault, two surgeries, and partial brain damage (something that affects me to this day -- no jokes). So me and my buddy Tony (not Tony from the Bunker, though yes, we're both old guys) got into 40k cuz we wanted to do "something like D&D" without needing a group (funny how friends drop out of yoru life when you almost die).

Anyways, long and the short of it is I am hoping to make up some stories like this and play them out with people. I'm imagining 40k and Fantasy scenerios patterned after movies. Wouldn't "Con Air" be terrific? Or "The Rock?" (Ultimate early 90s cheese :P )

K well I gotta take Isaac to Academy. So I'll catch up with youse hipsters later.

Back to Orcs n Goblins... a new list

Sorry I haven't posted in a few days and all. Old news: Gil and I managed to take Best Overall at the 750-point ASB Doubles Tournament. We won due to Gil's excellent painting skillz and the fact that we had a blockbuster win (our only win) in the last game. Terrific tournament, fellow ASBers.

Anyways, I've been looking back into my Orcs n Goblins cuz I miss the green little bastiches and I also have like a gazillion of them so why notz? At first I thought about totally trying to eliminate Animosity by running only Animosity-less units. You know, things like Black Orcs, Giants, Uber-chariots, etc. Or by running Azhag the Slaughterer, who allows me to reroll all my animosity rolls of 1 -- essentially giving me way more control over the movement of my units.

Then I found a terrific website called Da Warpath. It's got a pretty active community of Orcs N Goblins playas. One thread is called "Ultimate Tournament List." I checked it out and one guy swears by this list. I have all the models on the list save two: A warboss on wyvern and a giant. Anyways, this list is (supposedly) the current top build for Orcs N Goblins. It seems a little risky to me though cuz there are some pretty spendy units (especially the easy-to-kill giant).

So here's the list. Personally I think it's as close to cheesy as you can get with Orcs N Goblins -- a list that, in my humble opinion, is not broken and that you'd have to try pretty hard to construct it in a broken way.

The list:

Black Orc Warboss on Wyvern
Shagga's Screamin' Sword
Enchanted Shield
Bigged's Kickin' Boots

Black Orc Boss on Boar BSB
Mork's Spirit Totem

23 Orc Boyz, Full Command (BSB goes here)
Light Armour
Shields

Goblin Big Boss on Wolf Chariot
Wollapa's One Hit Wunda
Triksy Trinket

Goblin Shaman
Dispel Scroll X deux (I know, I know...)

Night Gobbos X 25
2x fanatics
short bows

Night Gobbos X 25
2x fanatics
short bows

Goblin Wolfriders x 5
Musician

Goblin Wolfriders x 5
Musician

Goblin Wolf Chariot

20 Black Orcs, Full Command
Shields
Gork's Waaaagh!

4 x Spear Chukkas

Doom Diver Catapault

Giant

Anyways that's my list. I'm itching to play it -- mostly because I want to try and get a better hold on how to play my Orcs n Goblins. I don't think it will allow the kind of tactical maneuvering to the OnG that I was hoping for -- but it should be fun. Also, the Warboss on the Wyvern would be terrifically sweet for flying around fast, bolstering leadership where needed.

So far as the Blorcs are concerned, I know they are a points sink. But so are normal boyz due to low leadership. Babysitting them with a formidable warboss is kind of a shame. So this build allows the Warboss to fly around and fight (if needed) and the BSB babysits the boyz. Other than that, only the Gobbos suffer from animosity and well, they are cheap.

Oh Yeah, I posted the pic of the new Azhag model cuz it's super sweet. I probably will get the generic Warboss on Wyvern model before the new Azhag comes out in September, but I'll almost definitely get Azhag.

If Magic Sucks (TM) then why not go historical?

Over at Adult Swim Bunker, the conversation as of late has been about Magic and it sucking. Here's the philosophy -- wizards and their various accoutrement cost so much points wise that it's barely worth fielding them due to their randomness.

So why don't we throw down with some historical?

Jeff wants to build a Gengis Khan army. I'd love to do Romans or even an English Pike-&-Shot force. In the interest of fun, there's nothing to say that these two armies can't fight each other. Heck, some historical rules are so detailed (Field of Glory, anyone?) that you can use ancient tactics and army composition and expect the requisite results.

Not only that, the miniatures are less expensive. And finding them isn't a total unknown. Stuff by longtime Citadel sculptors, the Perry brothers, is available locally at The Panzer Depot. It's even plastic. Heck, Bretonnians, Empire and some Lord of the Rings minis could be "pressed into service" (as Rick Priestly says) for historical battles.

In many ways, it seems like a good solution to some of the cheese in WHFB. The rules for Field of Glory are renown for their balance (my understanding is the GW Historical rules are none too shabby, either). Not only that, Osprey, Slitherine, and even Games Workshop are not interested in selling you minis for historical; they don't manufacture them.

One last bonus -- lots of the historical guys paint up their forces and build their terrain to "re-enact" ancient scenerios. In the end, they aren't so concerned about who wins the game -- they just want to analyze all the strategic possibilities of the conflict and watch it unfold on the tabletop. So our final frustration with tabletop gaming, overt competitiveness, could be cooled as well?

So maybe in this day of frustration with rules balance, cheese lists and sucktacular Magic, it's time for us to go to the root of our hobby and wax historical with our minis.

Who knows? We may learn a bit about real tactics and even learn some history on the way.

To Empire or not to Empire?

So I'm going to beauty school at Gene Juarez starting July 14. I've bought some Daemons to paint up (aka dry brush and wash) before I start. But I want to start working on another army for *while* I'm at beauty school. Though I've been flirting with the idea of doing Wood Elves, my other idea is Empire.

It seems to me that with the Empire list you can build just about any kind of army you want. Want to go big-regiment infantry, supported by detachments? Done. Want a gunline? No problem. Want artillery? You can have it. Magic. It's in there. Heck, you can even go uber-cheese and drop in a couple plastic S.Tanks and a War Altar.

Personally the detachment system appeals to me most (perhaps supported by handguns). It offers me the opportunity to do the kind of tactical manuevering that I envisioned with my Orcs & Goblins before I was rudely awoken by the truth of animosity.

The latest White Dwarf has a tactica article waxing about the glories of the detachment system. However it ultimately totes the gunline as the way to win with Empire. Now don't get me wrong. Shooting has it's place in Warhammer. But having been obliterated by gunline armies, I can attest to how boring they can be. Not only that, gunlines reminds me of blue-coated American soldiers gunning down Native Americans in movies like "Dances With Wolves" and "Little Big Man."

On the other hand a "pike and shot"-like system of spearmen supporting musketeers seems like an ideal solution. Lots of close combat nastiness. But lots of fun in the shooting phase as well. I'm not sure if the Fantasy rules would allow such a setup to be effective (Warhammer Historical English Civil Wars has rules for it, however...)

Overall, I'd say the raw versatility of the Empire list appeals to me most. I don't mind it being a "horde" army. I don't even mind that it's a challenge to paint (I plan on painting this army over the 13 months I will be in school).

Mostly, I want my next Fantasy army to be the "last" Fantasy army that I build. That doesn't mean that I will *never* build another Fantasy army again (heaven forbid). It just means that I will want to focus on this army and build and tune it over the next year. Originally I intended to buy the bulk of it before I start school and work on it on my days off (there's no homework in beauty school). Maybe start off spending $300 to $400? Or even just a Battalion box and move from there? Realistically, I could see myself pouring waaaay more than $400 into the army over the year. But that's the whole thing: I only want to put my money into one (Fantasy) army. So I'm thinking it should be an army I can do *anything* with.

So those are my thoughts. Though I'm tempted by the call of Athel Loren, Empire still appeals to me for it's versatility and breadth of scale.

How long does cheese stay phresh?

Okay well as y'all know, I've become looking into building a Wood Elves army. So I've done some surfing and reading and found out that until a couple years ago, a certain "Treemonic Legion" list was among the cheesiest of cheese at Warhammer tourneys.

But that was before the High Elves, Dark Elves, Warriors of Chaos, Vampire Counts and Daemons of Chaos books were released.

So here's the question: are Treemonic Legions lists still cheese these days or merely "competitive-friendly?" Perhaps. I'm almost certain, however, that a "balanced" Wood Elves list would be more than friendly and perhaps a tough list to win with for a beginner.

Still, it begs the question: How long does cheese remain cheesy?

Wood Elves phreak fest

Last week at ASB, we somehow got on the topic of Wood Elves. I think I was trying to goad Jake's GF, Kitty, into building and painting an army with me. All I said was "Wood Elves" and several people freaked out.

Jake excitedly rambled off the pros of the WE list -- skirmishing units, strength 4 longbows at 24 inches, treesurfing, etc (most of which I still don't understand the awesomeness of). Garrit freaked out cuz a) he loves him some Elves and b) "No one else is playing Wood Elves." Hmmm. Too bad my son Isaac and I were on our way out the door. Would have loved to talk about it more. Just as we were about to leave, Jeff yelled from his room "Wood Elves are gay and only gay people play them!" Despite the fact that I seriously dislike it when people use the word "gay" as a pejorative, I was interested in the list. As Jake says, "We all like it when Jeff loses."

I went home, opened up my folder of WHFB downloads and fired up the WE Army Book. Hmmm. Some good stuff. On Saturday I swooped by the Bunker and snapped up a "real" version of the Army book. "I just found out Jeff hates Wood Elves," I told Evan. "So I have to at least read this."

So my interest is peaked. Maybe Wood Elves, not Empire, will be the army I paint over the next year while I'm going to Gene Juarez Academy? Who knows -- and chime in. Meanwhile, I'd like to learn why Jeff so abhors the WE list.

Bestill my heard -- Gnoblars!

A funny thing happened on the way to build my Ogre Kingdoms army. Actually a few funny things.

First, I have a painted army, all of the sudden out of the blue, thanks to Sir Jeff, Mr. Nick and $100.

Second, I fell in love with Gnoblars.

You see, I originally wanted to play Ogres because I could paint them fast (I'm old and carpal tunnel is catching up with me). I envisioned a 10-12-model, 750-1,000-point army for fun, fast games and the ASB Doubles Tournament. I kept saying "I only want Ogres -- no Gnoblars."

Then I bought the army from Sir J and started to look at and examine the little buggers ... and I can't help it. I just love them.

I have a soft spot in my heart for Greenskins. I play 40k Orks. I play -- to varying degrees of success -- Orcs & Goblins.

But the Gnoblars are the most ridiculously cute and stupid Greenskins I have ever seen.

The look like Muppets. Mentally challenged Muppets. And maybe because I have three siblings with Downs Syndrome, I have a soft spot for mentally challenged people (no jokes). In any case they are ridiculous and characterful and just wonderful.

And not only that, each Gnoblar is a little different. There are Gnobbies with huge backpacks. There are ones with broken bottles and rusted swords and battered shields. So I'm not going to be sitting there saying to myself, "Here I am painting *another* Night Goblin. Sigh. So boring."

Did I mention they are two pieces? A body with legs and arms. And a head. Pass the plastic glue, please.

So since my Ogres are all painted (though I'll be making some special characters with my Battalion), I can imagine painting nine Gnoblar Trappers. And I can imagine going from there to painting at least one regiment of 20.

And heck. I could go from there to making an entire 2250-point* army of (insert Jobe voice) *NOTHING BUT GNOBLERS*. Ha ha just kidding. Though it would be interesting. After all, Brender calculated that we could fit 3,972 gnoblars in a deployment zone.

And with their "Largely Insignificant" rule (which means they are immune to panic when they see other Gnoblars flee), it would be an awful lot of Gnobbies to chase from the table. And hilarious too.

If I do that, I only have one recommendation: Bring your riot shields, boys and girls. And a lot of dice.

And prepare for hilarity.

*Hmmm... a 750-point army of nothing but Gnoblars would be interesting. That's still 375 Gnoblars, give or take! And a lot of sharp stuff. And lots of running.

Sick disgusting wonderful Ogreness

As you may or may not have heard through the Bunker grapevine, I bought a fat-gustingly huge fully-painted Ogre Kingdoms army from Sir Jeff yesterday -- ten seconds after I bought an Ogre Battalion (which is sweet -- cuz I'll need them all!)

Anyways, I almost immediately played against Jose with my 50-bull 2250 list and got my bootie handed to me on a silver platter by his High Elves. But I had fun. Jose is a very polite opponent and is interested in teaching you while you play.

I was a little bummed out. But then I sat down to hobby and started ogling my beautiful new army and I didn't care.

Two reasons why I think it was fun to lose last night:

1) I understand the Fantasy rules better now, so at least I understand why I lost. When I first started, I could barely keep up with my opponent.

2) It really was a learning experience.

3) It was a fast, short game! :P

Anyways, I'm looking forward to playing Jose again -- or whoever. Even a quick 1,000 point game would be terrific :)

Relic's Space Marine vidgame

I'm sure y'all saw this on BOLS. It's sick nonetheless. Could be excuse #2 to buy a 360. (Excuse #1 = Blood Bowl.) Isaac wants Dawn of War 2, but I don't feel like buying a $800 computer to play it. Maybe this game would satiate him?

Still, an Ex-Box is like $300 wif a hard drive. And then there's the cost of the gamez and anover controller.

I wonder how much I could get for one of my kidneys?*

*(Gawd. I'm going all Will Smith in "Seven Pounds" for toy soldier-related goofiness.)

Enjoy the vid.

Father/Son Chaos vs. Counts throwdown

My son Isaac and I (aided by Tattoo Sam) played a game of Fantasy last night at the Bunker. Super fun. I played Warriors of Chaos with store models and he played Vampire Counts. We made hasty lists, which were roughly equivalent. It was 555 points each side.

I had a great time. Loved playing the Warriors of Chaos. They are pretty much like cheerleaders. They Bring It On!

Isaac had fun. I beat him -- but he's actually a better sport than me. He hearts Vampire Counts which is unfathomable to me cuz I think they are grody (for example, the Corpse Cart).

I think it would have been a more fair game if I knew the Vampire Counts army and didn't have to clarify rules with the Masters every few minutes (Jeff, Gerrit, Savant and Tyler). Sam and I fudged a few rules in Isaac's favor, but the WoCs still WoCked it. Nonetheless, I saw the potential of the VCs. Being able to potentially spawn new units every turn is kinda sweet. And the whole no running away thingie is sweet too.

I discovered I like playing WoCs cuz combat is my favorite part of Fantasy. I had no magic and a measly two dispel dice. "No magic, not shooting. Combat."

Next I think I'll try Doowarfs with store models -- or even my Skull Pass dudes. Or a toned-down Daemons force. Isaac is in love with the Counts. So I imagine he'll keep trying them out. Personally, I think he'd be happier with a more compact, tougher overall force (D-to-the-warfs).

Still the Counts rock. D3 plus six (I think) new zombies per turn. "Let me count, von, two, three, four, five, six, seven!" Pretty sweet stuff for a bunch of puss-filled evil grodiness.

Keeper of Secrets/Vampirella conversion

I wanna custom build a Keeper of Secrets model.

I have a Vampirella action figure from a few years back (pictured above). She's sexy as all get out and with a some Green Stuff and purple paint, could transmorgify into a sweet Secret Keeper. She may not have bird legs, but I'll that slide. She's just in her Allure mode, ya know?

She probably wouldn't be Grand Tournament legal (even with a crapload of bitz). But that's okay. I'm not really interested in that. Just like to have fun down at the Bunker.

By the way, I like the Forge World Keeper of Secrets, but it's spendy. Also, she/he/it has six breasts. Never been a fan of that look (though I suppose I could file the extra mammaries off -- wearing a respirator, of course). Still she is the price of a 1,000 point army (or the models I would need to make one). And that's a bit much for a Lawn Boy.

Have I mentioned I love Daemon models?

Unbreaking the broken

It must be the Magic player in me, but I have been having super fun making lists of armies I don't own and may never buy/build/paint.

This morning I made a Daemons of Chaos list after having a conversation with the guys at the shop about whether an "unbroken" DoC list could be built. The main reason I did this is because I love the look and feel of the DoC models. I also think it's pretty nifty that you can use them in 40k, too.

Anyways, it seemed the consensus was DoC non-broken lists could be built but to be aware of certain unfair advantages DoC have. Also the consensus (which pretty much means Jose said so and no one argued with him) was that a list with a core unit from each of the for Chaos gods would be less likely to be broken.

While building this list, I also noticed that Daemons have some CRAZY magic banners and stuff. I avoided the cheesiest, when possible.

I should also mention that when I build lists, I'm always keeping in mind how much real-world money (as opposed to gil) it would cost to build an army. Since I'm permabroke, I try to keep things as conservative as possible.

Here's the 1000-pt list:

Skulltaker, el Generalisimo
Herald of Slaanesh BSB with the +d3 CR banner thingie, Torment blade (models that suffer a wound can't strike back that combat - good for Challenges but not supah crazy).
10 Daemonettes, full command (Herald goes here)
10 Bloodletters, full command, w/ Skull Totem (May Always March) (Skulltaker goes here)
10 Plaguebearers, full command
10 Pink Horrors, Iridescent Horror, full command

Totals up with four casting dice, four dispel dice. Not over the top by any estimation.

The temptation to build KRAZEENESS into a daemons list is there. Flipping through the army book it's hard not to feel a little sick to my stomach with some of the stuff in there. If Daemons are going to be THAT powerful, maybe they should cost TWICE as much in points. I mean seriously, a Bloodletter is cheaper than a Warrior of Chaos, almost as devastating in close combat, has a 5+ ward save, and they move super fast and with the Skull Totem could basically move 10 inches per turn AND STILL CHARGE. Yikes. All that for a 175-point, ten-daemon unit. Oh. And I forgot. They are Immune to Psychology and have that weird rule where they don't even have to take break tests (instead take wounds equivalent to how many points they lost CR by).

Anyways, blah blah blah I still like the models.

Where was y'all?

Dang the Seattle Bunker was super-vacant last night. What happened to the overwhelming number of Fantasy players on Tuesday nights? Maybe I've been outta the loop too long. Oh well. I got a bit of Blood Bowl in.

750 point O&G flavah for the July Funhammer Tourney

I had originally meant to bring a list like this to El 750 point tournament come July.

- 3 blocks of 40 Night Goblins. Hand weapons, shields, no fanatics.
- General - Goblin Shaman
- Night Goblin Shaman
- misc. magic itumz

And while it was effective in one game vs. Jeffe's Saurus-cum-Skink Jungle Swarm, I have a feeling it was a little unfun to play against. Unfun as in boring.

So I've toned it down and tried to flavah it up a little bit. Cuz fun is the name of the game.

- Goblin Big Boss on wolf w/BSB and +1 CR War Banner
- Two Blocks of 30 Night Goblins, musician, standard, spears, nets and FANATICS
- Five of dem Squigg Hoppas
- Two blocks of Snotlings, two bases each
- Nine Goblin Wolfriders with bows (Big Boss w/BSB goes here)

(It's not so much what I think will win now. It's what the goblins think will win. You see? I'm roleplaying. Weird.)

Nick will supply the generalismo, hopefully with a high leadership value and some of dat other crazeeness.

Oh dang. Now that I fink of it, I shouldz have some waaaaagh magicz in dere.

What are your t'oughts?

Dragonforce lyrics

Who can possibly not love Dragonforce? If plastic glue has ever graced your nostrils and dice have ever blessed your hands, you mustez loves this.

Online Blood Bowl

I'm sure all you die-hard Blood Bowl Veterans (Jason, Mr. Bell) already know about this, but you can play Blood Bowl online with a Java App. Get the lowdown at www.fumbbl.com

It may not be the most exciting thing for those of you who practically live at the Seattle Bunker, but to old guys like me with kids and stuff, it means we can play at home while our children are sleeping and/or playing peacefully in a puddle of light (come to think of it, that whole puddle of light thing never happens).

The Java App isn't the most attractive thing in the world. I messed around with it a bit. Since I don't know how to play Blood Bowl yet, I didn't play against anyone. I'll save that for the real tabletop versus Jimmy the Savant.

Rohan Oathswarn Archers on the cheap

I am slowly amassing a Rohan army for War of the Rings. And WoTR army is a considerable monetary investment, but luckily there is a lot of plastic available and LoTR minis are on the affordable side. Also, the WoTR ruleset is spectacular!

Anyways, I have a ton of old school Bretonnian bowmen. They are a little cheesy looking, but after I snap some round bases on them, I'll have some Rohirrim bowmen for WoTR. They will be particularly husky bowmen, but they'll do until i have some cashola for full-fledged LoTR minis.

Orc head, Bloodthirster body=bad idea

In an attempt to make plastic savage orcs, i tried tacking a bald orc head on a bloodthirster body.

ew.

i don't recommend it.

Fever dream

I am a bit sick today, so I've been sleeping.

During my slumber, Skarsnik, Lord of the Eight peeks, came to me in a dream.

"Betrayer!" he shrieked.

My eyes snapped open. How could I dare to play any other army but my beloved Greenskins.

Forgive me Mork and Gork, for I have sinned.

To Bretonnian or not Bretonnian

Nicholas, fellow ASBer and Bunker Denizen, has asked me to be his partner in the July Doubles Tournament and I have gladly accepted.

However he plays Empire and I am obsessed by all things greenskin. Being as stickler for fluff, I am considering dusting off my Bretonnian bad boys from long long ago and playing with them.

After tooling around a bit on Army Builder, I've come up with a list of two blocks of Knights of the Realm, a Paladin for a general, a Paladin with BSB and a Damsel of the Lady for some potential magic punch/healing. Of course that will likely change. Nicholas and I will likely take the general in one army and BSB in another.

I understand Brets can be a fairly Beardy army. Is there a way to build them so they are still fun to play against?

I have enough Bretonnians for the force. Here are the downsides:

- Focusing on the Brets would distract from readying my Gobs of Gobbos
- Brets are a bizitch to paint - but perhaps I could go for a simple paint schema.

I'm not planning on making Bretonnians my main army or anything. But since I have the models and have been unable to sell or even GIVE them away, I may as well use them.

Blood Bowl!

Evan is hooking me up with some plastic Blood Bowl orcs (thanks dude!). He says they are a little dated, but I don't care! They look delightfully dorky to me.

So I guess I'll be playing with y'all whenever we get a chance.

So that means another set of rules for me to learn. Thank Gork y'all are such patient teachas.

'Ere we go!

Fluffy armies and the RPG aspect of Warhammer Fantasy

Whilst attempting to commit the Orcs 'n' Goblins Army Book to memory last night, I started to realize Warhammer Fantasy (and to some extent 40k) is very role-play-ey. I like that.

As I've written before, I'm a roleplayer-cum-wargamer. In the RPG world there is a continual debate about whether rules should enforce role playing. Many "hard core" old school RPG freaks like the idea. Late last year, I leaning in that direction myself. Then I pretty much stopped playing (or thinking about those things) cuz I got back into wargames.

After reading Gerrit's article about his Skaven list for the Doubles Tournament, and reading and rereading my OnG book, I realized that Warhammer Fantasy Battle has more rules enforcing role playing than Dungeons & Dragons 4th Edition. *snicker*

Orcs 'n' Goblins start fighting with each other on a regular basis. Skaven sometimes shoot themselves. Chaos Warriors *must* accept and *issue* challenges whenever possible. There are probably dozens of other example that I can't think of right now.

Until today, I had been thinking of these rules things that add balance to the GW stable of games. To be sure, there are circumstances where these things make the metagame more fair. But it sunk into my thick skull last night that they really serve a higher power: FUN.

It's funny. I got back into Warhammer as something to do when I couldn't play D&D. And I'm having more fun -- and doing more actual role playing -- than I ever actually did playing RPGs.

So please, don't mind me if I mutter to myself whilst commanding Azhag the Slaughterer's army. I'm just getting into the part, ya see?

Price hike!? It burns us!

I just popped over to Games-Workshop.com and suddenly remembered that a lot of things went up in price today. Yikes!

In reality, most of the price hikes aren't all that bad. I always say I want GW to stay in business and keep doin' what it does. And I still feel that way.

And also, most of the stuff I want didn't go up in price. Phew!!

To me the worst thing is the hike in the starter boxed sets. The "Battle for Skull Pass," "Assault of Black Reach" and "Mines of Moria" sets all went up from $60 to $75. As a beneficiary of the leftovers from 5 Skull Pass sets, I can see the logic in this. People were buying the sets over and over and building their forces for really cheap. So maybe the price boost is a bit of a deterrent? On the other hand, It's gonna be a lot harder to get Mommy to spend $75 on a weird game for Johnny that she's never seen before.

To be sure, the boxed sets are still terrific deals. In all of them you get tons of minis and great little rulebooks. I'm almost positive they are loss leaders for GW -- lose a little money on the first sale to make more sales later. I just hope those boxed sets keep selling, cuz to be honest, I love seeing all the little kids coming in the store with their overflowing boxes of half-painted Marines and Orks. And the cool thing is a few of them are girls!

Anyways, it doesn't burn so bad as it seemed it would.In the end, I just hope it turns out to be the best for GW, because that, in turn, will turn out to be the best for us gamerz.

=][nquisitor=

There's been a bit of talk at the bunker about what is perhaps GW's strangest Specialist Game: Inquisitor.

Inquisitor is not your average GW game. It's billed as a "narrative skirmish" game.


What does that mean? It really means that it's a role-playing game where everyone is not on the same team. The game pretty much requires a game master (as opposed to Mordheim, which is kinda GM-optional). When GW first released Inquisitor it was before Dungeons and Dragons had taken on its current minis-heavy guise. To me it was fascinating. Most of my gaming pedigree comes from RPGs -- but I've always been obsessed with miniatures. It seemed like the perfect blend of the two -- in many ways it still is.

The game takes place in everybody's favorite Grim, Dark Future. Originally, each player was meant to play the part of an Inquisitor, each approaching their duty to the Emperor from their disparate philosophies. Some Inquisitors flirt with the Warp and use the tools of Chaos to hunt down Chaos itself. Others bend the will of alien Xenos to stalk the heretic. Others still are uncompromising in their search to stomp out the enemies of the Imperium. Naturally these different views cause conflicts in the vast organization of the Inquisition. These conflicts are the core of what Inquisitor is all about.

The GM's job is to create an overarching story to link the games together. The skirmish battles themselves -- between the Inquisitors and their retinue -- are meant to represent the climax of each "episode" of the storyline. In doing this, the GM and the player create a story. The rulebook even encourages the GM and players to keep a diary of story events so you can look back years (or even a few days) later and relive the narrative.

This focus on narrative is not unique in GW games. Indeed, it's the "fluff" that draws most people to GW games in the first place. After all, without the fluff, it's just a bunch of math. We could choose to play Warhammer with chess pieces, ("The pawns are all guardsmen with lasguns." "Okay well mine are all ork boyz with choppas and sluggas." But even the most diehard of tacticians would soon tire of that.

Inquisitor's focus on narrative is even more in depth. It makes Inquisitor unique -- for both a tabletop skirmish game and an RPG (after all, most RPGs are pretty hack 'n' slash oriented). It's also what makes a game master essential to the game. In Inquisitor, it's possible to be a character like Witch Hunter Tyrus, in huge, nigh impenetrable power armor, while your "opponent" is a character like Eisenhorn, adorned with only a duster and samurai-like sword. There is no points system to ensure one warband is equal to another. That's left up to the GM. Unlike other tabletop games where the GM acts as an arbiter, in this game the GM is like the GM in an RPG -- his/her word is law. He's the ultimate authority on the story. And the story, after all, is what Inquisitor is all about.

It's a tough balance. I imagine the game would be even more of a cooperative act of make-believe than D&D -- somewhere in the realm of White Wolf's Vampire, Werewolf and Mage games. Only in this game, you get to use minis. Mmmm minis. They make our world go 'round, don't they?

Anyways, with the intermittent chatter around the Bunker about Inquisitor, I'm sincerely hoping I get to play -- whether as GM or player character. It could make for some serious fun.

Da Loot (So far)

The Bizarre Bazaar rocked. I'm not sure if I'm more excited about my Orcs 'n' Goblins stuff or my War of the Rings stuff, but I'm excited.

Orcs 'n' Goblins
44 Black Orcs
01 Orc Boar Chariot
02 Boar Boyz
01 Orc Warboss (thanks Howard)
01 Orc Big Boss w/BSB (ditto Howard)
01 Toothless Orc Shaman (again, Howard)
39 Spider Riders
32 Arrer Boyz
40 Boyz with Two Choppas
32 Boyz (multi-part)
10 Wolves (only one rider)
02 Spear Chuckas with crew
01 Troll
20 Ruglud's Armoured Orcs (two sets)
1 gazillion Night Goblins (still counting them...)

War of the Rings
16 Khazad Guard
01 Balin
12 Dwarf Rangers
35 Riders of Rohan
04 High Elf Archers
04 High Elf Swordsmen
04 Numenorean Warriors (plastic)

I'm psyched for the Rohirrim because I have around 1,000 points of riders for War of the Rings. Anyone want to trade for the High Elves (Gerrit?), Dwarves (Jeff?) or Numenoreans (Tony?)?

Special thanks to Tony for buying my Forge World Squiggoth.

After I'm done counting I'll find a table big enough for all this stuff and take a picture (if I can get my camera to work).

Bizarre Bazaar shame

I got so much awesome stuff at the Bizaare Bazaar that I'm ashamed of myself.

will post pics and total count latah

The return of Death Metal and music to Waaaagh! to

Down at the Seattle Battle Bunker the other day, there was a kid talkin' about learning how to play death metal.

DEATH METAL! YES! Kids are into death metal again these days! The circle is complete!

Anyways, I'm pretty sure Death-Metal Kid is almost exactly the age I was in 1988 when I bought this strange new game called "Warhammer 40,000: Rogue Trader" ("Dude, it's like that movie 'Wizards' -- magic and technology mixed!" At the time, I thought it was a role-playing game. And it kinda was, back then).

It made me think -- what music do ya'll like to WAAAAAGHgame to?

For me there is none better than Metal, the cheesier the better. Movie and vid-game soundtracks are excellent for the Bunker (dramatic yet low-key). But Metal rules the day when playing a pound-down at home.

My current fave for the waaaaghin' is Dragonforce, which is modern cheese metal, second to none. But for the graphic, I chose the obvious: Bolt Thrower. For the uninitiated, this band, their album names, and most of their songs are all Warhammer-inspired. Teenage 40k fans, if you don't know these bands, I'll hook you up. My fellow fogies, if you don't know the band then I'm pretty sure there's a rift in the space-time continuum we need to close up, stat. (But I'll still hook you up.)

So all you dice-headed, acrylic-paint-fume-addled, adolescent and post-adolescent gamers out there, chime in on your favorite muzak for the waaaaaghin'.

And if you loves tha rap, that's cool too. I likes me lots of rap. (I'm pretty sure Adam Samberg is an incarnation of either Gork or Mork).

And one more thing. This goes out to all our wounded toy soldiers: Peace to my Greenskins, wherever you are.

Yes!

Punch me TWICE next time you see me.

Goblin Smurfs

Today I thought "Hey, I know! I'll paint my Night Goblins with blue skin like Smurfs. I'm so clever. No one has EVER done that before!"

Oh Google. Every day you prove me unclever.

Still, I'm thinking enchanted blue skin with purple cloaks, washes, etc. blah blah blah. Remember, I've got 140 and counting of these dudes to paint.

While I'm at it, I may as well list the similarities between Gobbos and Smurfs that I done thunk up today:

- Goblins are small. So are Smurfs!
- Smurfs live in mushrooms. Goblins ARE mushrooms.
- A bald giant chases Smurfs. Bald giants help and/or chase Goblins.
- Smurfs are scared of cats. Night Goblins are scared of everything.
- When I was five, I collected Smurf miniatures for no discernible reason. Now, at age 35, I collect Goblins ... for no discernible reason.

Okay this is my dumbest post yet. Punch me next time you see me.

The Bizarre Bazaar rocked

I got a ton of stuff today at the Bizarre Bazaar. I haven't even counted all the Orcs n' Goblins -- and I'm hoping to get more tomorrow.

Anyways, it was super cool. Thanks GW for making such a great swapping event take place.

It never ceases to amaze me everything the Battle Bunker provides gamers. A place to game. A community. Even a place to trade our stuff -- and they don't even make money off those trades.

My hats off to you GW and the Hobby Specialists at the Seattle Bunker.

The Genius of ASB and the Not-So-Dark Future of GW

Somehow I'm lucky enough to be an official member of Adult Swim Bunker Gaming Club. But I can't take credit for the genius they are generating. Those props go to Jeff, Gerrit and Jake.

Let's talk about their genius. It's a genius that could have serious (read: positive) effect on the future of Games Workshop.

At first ASB was a mostly Specialist Games guild. Super sweet. Everyone loves Specialist Games. But things evolved. ASB sponsored a 400-point 40k Combat Patrol Tournament. Huge turnout. Old guys playing 40k with little kids. Genius.

And now small core-game battles are the talk of the bunker. Another Gen X'er and I gushed over how much fun they are the other day. We're both suddenly excited about 40k again. And we're double excited about Fantasy.

Now comes the best part: an ASB-sponsored, 750-point Warhammer Doubles in July. Grab 750 points of your favorite army. Team up with a buddy. Pool your dice pool. Go for the Plastic (gamers don't need Gold). I played a practice game tonight. People watched and paid very careful attention. People are talking. People are excited.

Suddenly, you can buy a Battalion box -- and voila -- an army! (Seriously, you can do this with Warriors of Chaos). A $95 Fantasy army. That's just sick and wrong (a.k.a. awesome). Now GW games are becoming more like Magic the Gathering. You can afford to make new armies (decks) all the time. I can actually AFFORD to build an ENTIRELY new army for this doubles tournament. And if I like it, guess what? I'll add to it.

GW Brass, take note! This is what the hobby needs! More small points games. More small points tournaments. More fun!!! ASB is on to something here. They are knocking down the accessibility barrier for tournament and organized play. They are taking all the cool things about Specialist Games and applying them to Core Games. And it's working.

Old guys like me are playing 40k. And young guys like the dudes watching Jeff and me play today are getting psyched about Fantasy. Suddenly, the competitive side of the hobby doesn't seem as intimidating.

"My $100 army didn't perform well? Oh well. I'll tune it a little more, maybe add a $20 general, or a $25 regiment or a $30 monster." Or: "That army doesn't seem to match my playing style. Maybe I'll try a different army? I can carve $100 out of next month's budget for another battalion."

It's okay, GW Brass. I know there are problems with this small-battle model. If people cast aside armies like old toothpicks, selling them on eBay or -- egads -- GIVING them away, GW can't make money selling NEW minis to people. Well guess what? It happens already.

Gee-Dub, you're being super cool about it by hosting the official Bizarre Bazaar this weekend (trade or sell your stuff live and in person at a GW shop, no whispering required). But listen Baltimore Brass, what if you made this a normal part of your repertoire but, uh, I dunno, took a little off the top?

Sound silly? Maybe. But think of the possibilities:

Sell used armies, take a commission, pay the seller in store credit. Sound like a lot of work for little return? Don't be too sure.

Let's say I buy an army for roughly $300. I play with it awhile and when I'm ready to sell it, I'm thinking I'll try and get $150 for it. GW employees put it on a list of armies people are selling/trading. (That way you don't take up store space displaying half-painted armies). The list is kept on a clipboard behind the counter. Someone buys the army. They pay GW at the cash register. GW takes 15% off the top of that $150. The rest goes on a gift card for me (the seller). I come in the shop: "Hey man, your army sold -- here's $132.50 on a gift card -- pick something out." I buy more stuff (gift cards are only good for new stuff -- not consignment). Guess what, Gee-Dub? You just made money -- again -- from miniatures you already sold once. And you captured some income from the ol' backroom trading machinations that already happen. AND you took some cashola eBay was gonna take if the seller sold that stuff online. AND you'll probably make even more money when I buy new stuff ("I might as well spend an extra $20 or $30..." I'll say to myself). AND you encouraged the seller and the buyer to STAY involved in the hobby. (I think that's a win-win. Or maybe it's a win-win-win? I dunno. Anyways, it's a lot of wins.)

Maybe I'm blowing smoke. Maybe the idea isn't so good. Or maybe some of you awesome managers and regional managers (and you guys ARE awesome) have already thought of ideas like this, but you'd literally have to move CONTINENTS (and a small island nation off the coast of mainland Europe) to be able to do it.

But pass it up the line to whoever is hanging at the top of the hierarchy (is there a GW God-Emperor?) Cuz we don't just want a chance to buy cheap armies (they are everywhere online but a lot of us avoid them). We want to be able to support GW -- the company that supplies us with fun and an awesome community!

Friendly neighborhood managers, do you want to further influence Da Big Bosses? Point toward our fantasy-foisting neighbor Wizards of the Coast.

Wizards makes a mint off of almost COMPLETELY CONTROLLING the economy for reselling Magic the Gathering Online cards. First, they sell the virtual (as in little electrons flying through cyberspace) cards in random booster packs (already sick and wrong). Then people trade them online (actually kinda cool).

But people don't trade them for other cards... people trade them for Event Tickets! What's an Event Ticket? Well it's a ticket for participating in online community events. But they have evolved into a currency COMPLETELY OWNED (PWNED??) by Wizards.

So if I want to buy a particular card, I buy an event ticket and trade it to a seller (or their bot). Some cards are only 0.10 event ticket or whatever. Then I get credit with that seller for future sales. Yeah yeah, lots of trading, blah blah blah. But before I can do any of that trading, I give my money DIRECTLY to Wizards.

So let's review. Wizards makes money EVERY TIME someone sells or resells virtual trading cards that don't even exist in the real world. They control their trademark, their product and the entire economy of said product. HOLY SHIZZOLY!

What if you could do this GW?! (Yes, I'm serious, make you're on Gee-Dub-Bay). It would be frickin' awesome!! GW makes more money. Stockholders are happy. Gamers get used stuff guilt-free -- and best of all -- more fast, friendly, SMALL games! People see the small games (inspired by the hard work of ASB founders), realize it's not so hard to become involved, and decide to try out a new game. The community grows!!

Omigod. That's so many wins I think I'm gonna hurl.

Goblins win! Wait. Huh?

ASB Founder Jeff and I had a fun, fast, friendly game tonight down at the Bunker. I think we only used the tape measure twice :P

I used my 750-point Gobs of Goblins list from a few posts back. It performed well -- out combat rezzing Jeff's Lizardmen in some key skuffles. My Gobbos won the day when Jeff's core unit - Skinks mixed with Jungle Swarms (which counted as Sauruses) failed a leadership test (a total fluke -- they are cold-blooded), fled, and my Gobs caught them. Shortly thereafter, Jeff conceded.

The main thing about tonight wasn't winning or losing. It was the fun. Jeff's a fun guy to play with and an excellent coach (I'm still learning the rules). It was also fun to play a 750-pt game with 130 goblins. People watched and said "That's a lot of goblins." Jimmy the Savant asked how many Gobs I had and when I told him, he said "I have so much respect for you right now." That was the highlight of the night. (I may be more than twice his age, but I have tremendous respect for Jimmy's gaming skillz).

Jeff had a lot of good suggestions for me after the game. Overall a very fun night and I learned a lot.

I am really happy that ASB is planning a 750 point Doubles Tournament for July. Between that and the Combat Patrol 40k tournament, the club has helped me to be more excited about GW games AND given me some key experience playing the games.

Better still, ASB Founder Jeff has helped me remember that fun is the reason we play. It's not about PWNing (kitties are still allowed to PWN however).

Quit? Yeah right.

All I've been able to think about since my post last night is Warhammer. It seems my obsession is still there, even if I don't have the cash -- at least at this very moment. So I guess that means I'm not quitting.

In the immortal words of Bill the Cat: Ack. Thpppt.

Thanks for the encouraging words, Jeff.

Broke and unemployed. Should I quit Warhammer?

I've gotten pretty excited about GW games the last couple weeks -- of course I haven't really stopped being excited about them -- just haven't had time to paint let alone play.

Today I'm really bummed though. There's so much I want to do with my Warhammer and Lord of the Rings armies. But it's all just too expensive. Jeff, Gerrit and Jake came up with some pretty sweet ways to bolster my Orcs 'n' Goblins army (thanks guys!). Even though they were trying to be conservative so I could use models I already own, I will still need $205 before taxes to buy new models.

I guess I should explain something -- I'm a day laborer. That means I do manual labor most days, when I can find work. It's a continuous challenge of finding new work from day to day or week to week. I'm supporting two small children and just making ends meet. To me $205 is a HUGE amount of money to bolster an army that I've already spend TONS of money on (something like $350 to $400 so far). Worse yet, some of the items on my new list will go up in price in June with the GW price increase.

So today I'm just about ready to quit. Maybe I'll sell my crap on eBay and maybe keep a small force of Lord of the Rings and Mordheim models. I just can't keep up with the Joneses in this situation. I'll definitely sell my 40k stuff cuz I'm just not all that into the game (anyone want some Marines, Orks or Imperial Guard?). And I'll probably sell my Greenskins, cuz really, I just can't afford a horde army.

So what will I do if I quit? I mean this is not only my hobby, but my community. I have a few friends in the area that I play other (cheaper) games with. But we barely ever get together. To be frank, gaming is my social life (kinda sad, LOL). Maybe I'll just focus on Lord of the Rings? It's got a good ruleset and is more friendly to smaller battles. I just hope the community doesn't covert to 2000 point War of the Rings armies; if that happens, forget it. Maybe I'll just play Blood Bowl (all the rage currently). I dunno. I just know that I can't buy another army or upgrade the one I have.

What about playing smaller games? Frankly I'd love that. They are faster paced, more bare bones (fewer characters and magic items) and the armies are less expensive to build. Unfortunately, I've had a hard time finding people locally who will play less than 2250 for Fantasy. I asked once and my potential opponent said "I don't even know what 1000 points of my army would look like."

Sigh. Sorry for the bummer post. I probably won't quit. But I know I can't afford to do all the cool stuff I see other people doing (Building a new army from scratch for "A Tale of Four Gamers", dreaming up an uber list and then buying all the stuff, building new forces for Specialist games every few weeks, etc).

750 pts = lots of Goblins

Jeff's writing on the ASB blog, along with a comment from my ol' friend Angus Mountour on Facebook, have inspired me to think about absolute mobs and mobs of Orcs and Goblins. Even though I have something in the realm of 160-180 models in my 2250 army, it seems I need more.

Jeff's theory: O&G lose first round of combat and stick in after that, winning subsequent rounds. In other words, BIG HUGE BLOCKS OF GREENSKINS.

It also inspired me to think about pumping up a O&G army for the 750-point Fantasy Doubles tournament at the Seattle Battle Bunker in July. This might seem insane, but I can have an army with 128 models, seven casting dice and 5 dispel dice for 750 points. JAYZUS!

40 x Night Goblins 120 pts
40 x Night Goblins 120 pts
40 x Night Goblins 120 pts
6 x Goblin Wolf Riders 72 pts
Goblin Great Shaman lvl 3 (General) 155 pts
Night Goblin Shaman lvl 2 85 pts
Goblin Big Boss w/BSB on wolf 72 pts (the mounted boss w/BSB 100% Jeff-Os brain child).

Ridonkulous!

I feel an O&G quake a-comin'.

Oh -- I think I know a way to overcome animosity. Just send 'em all straight forward!! Some will be slow, some will be fast. Who cares? Ferget about all dat fancy tactics stuff! Just have lots of 'em.

My goal would be to murdelize Bretonians with O&G. *sniff* It makes me teary-eyed just thinking about it.

Black Orc Revival

I love Orcs n' Goblins and have a lot of them, especially considering I just started playing fantasy in the last few months.

The only problem is this thing called animosity. You see about a third of the time my greenskins don't do what I want. I think I've found a way to fix that:

Block 1
Grimgor Ironhide
Black Orc Big Boss w/BSB
Black Orcs x 22

Block 2
Orc Shaman, Lvl 2, w/dispell scroll
Black Orcs x 23 w/musician

Block 3
Orc Shaman, Lvl 2, w/dispell scroll
Black Orcs x 23 w/musician

Block 4
Black Orcs x 4 w/musician

Block 5
Snotlings x2

Block 6
Snotlings x2

Block 7
Snotlings x2

And
Goblin Doom Diver catapult

I've also toyed with the idea of a giant instead of the Doom Diver or simply more snotlings to slow the enemy down until my boyz can beat the snot of them (get it?)

Of course I may as well play Warriors of Chaos if I'm gonna throw down like this.

Or at least try Jeff and Gerrit's Savage Orc list they cooked up for me a few months ago.

Warhammer Fantasy Doubles in July

The Combat Patrol tourney was only two days ago and I'm already thinking about the Warhammer Fantasy 750-point Doubles tournament, sponsored by Adult Swim Bunker, coming this July.

Since I've recently been smitten by the Warriors of Chaos, here's the little list I've dreamed up.

2 x 15 Warriors of Chaos
2 x 5 Warhounds
1 x Chaos Sorcerer Level 2 with Dispel Scroll.

3 ranks? Is that even enough or will I lose out in combat resolution?

Perhaps I should have one block of 30 Warriors?

Suggestions? Comments?

Pwned

Well I got super pwned at the ASB Combat Patrol 40k Tournement yesterday, as I predicted.

Considering I've played fewer that ten games of 40k in my whole life, I'm not surprised. I lost four games and managed to draw one. What I'm actually surprised about is how close I got to winning a few of those games.

My poor little ork boyz performed admirably, taking out much of the opposition every game (except against Sarge and his Chimera-clad Guard... grrr :P ). Here's the thing about Orks: wound them and they die. I didn't have NEARLY enough boyz. In other words, I got tabled at least two or three times out of five games.

Given the fact that in a 400 point list I could actually afford to run two mobs of 30 boyz each, I was woefully under-boyed. Oh well. Live and learn. I'd love to play more 400-500 point games just cuz, well, they are super fun. And fast. Though I probably have 2,000 points of boyz (mostly unpainted) I *really* like playing with an army that is all painted.

Win or lose, it was good fun and my thanks go out to Jeff, Garrit and Jake for organizing the super fun, fast-paced tourney. I played FIVE games of 40k yesterday! That's pretty awesome!

Oh yeah, they are planning another tourney for July -- Doubles Fantasy. So you team up with a buddy and each bring 750 points of Fantasy goodness for a throwdown hoedown. Sounds great to me. As much as I love the fluff of 40k, when it comes right down to it, I prefer the rules in Fantasy (and the fluff ain't bad either).

A Tale of Four Gamers Part Deux: War of the Rings

As you all know, the boys at Adult Swim Bunker have been contemplating "A Tale of Four Gamers." Each players builds and paints 250 points of minis each week, battling it out all along the way.

So what army for me? I have a budding War of the Rings army (25 Minas Tirith Warriors and various forms of Boromir). The warriors are painted. Boromir is not. Technically, the painted guys couldn't be part of the challenge. But that's okay because I have a hankering for a different army: Misty Mountains.

But why Misty Mountains? Adult Swim Bunker's Jake (a WHFB genius) wrote an article espousing the virtues of the Misty Mountains list and it sounds fun (though perhaps a bit challenging).

My main reason for liking the army, however, is the monsters. I just love monsters. From the age of four, watching Godzilla movies on black-and-white TV, monsters have just been my faves. Misty Mountains gets you Wargs, Giant Spiders, Bats, Cave Trolls, Dragons and the Balrog. I mean holy crappoly.

Also: the whole list also oozes nostalgia. Everyone in my age group (I'm 35, like a boss) remembers the classic animated Rankin/Bass version of "The Hobbit." That movie (and of course the book) was ALL ABOUT the Misty Mountains. (It's pretty much what turned me into a gaming geek, too).

Though the WoTR minis don't exactly look like the Rankin/Bass character designs, they are still reminiscent enough to give me chills. So nostalgia, whether it's a love of scary monsters or the thumpety thump of my heart when I think about an animated Smaug, is getting me here.

The downside to Misty Mountains? As Jake said during a game of Arkham Horrror last week: "You have to paint a shit-ton of goblins." And you have to buy them too. And while I loves me some monsters, it may not be worth it in the long run if I have to choke down company after company of gobbos. I have enough of them to paint for Fantasy!

So what's my alternative? Gondor? Well despite the fact that Jeff says it's the best army in the game, I'm just not feeling it. I have no doubt about Jeff's assessment. The data is all there -- and I do intend to build a Gondor army at some point. But I'm in the mood for evil. So Mordor? Arnor? Isengard? (I loves me some Uruk-hai).

A Tale of Four Gamers Part Uno: Welcome to My Fantasy (Battle)

Jeff, Garrit and Jake over at adultswimbunker.blogspot.com have been chatting up the idea of doing "A Tale of Four Gamers." Basically, each week a you gotta assemble and paint 250 points of minis and battle each other, building up an army along the way.. They are not that into 40k so I'm thinking the game will be War of the Rings or Warhammer Fantasy. I'm contemplating my army pick for the challenge (assuming they haven't already found a fourth person).

For Fantasy, I'm thinking Warriors of Chaos. They are an elite army which means fewer minis to paint per week. They also look fun and fast to paint. I've heard that they are a pretty strong army, too. I'm not sure if they are broken (as Daemons of Chaos are rumored to be). But they are supposedly Brettonian-esque in their simplicity.

Since I'm positively Darwinian (in the worst sense) when it comes to Warhammer Fantasy, I need all the edge I can get. But mostly (as is my sometimes downfall when it comes to picking armies) I love the Warriors of Chaos minis. So Jeff, Garrit and Jake, stop me before I go too far!

Meanwhile, I'm thinking I'll pick up the WoC army book at the GW Battle Bunker tonight. Then I'll curl up in a ball and read it over. Since I'm no good at analyzing things numerically like the Uber Geniuses at ASB, I'll probably go over the idea with them before plunging into model purchases. Either way, having another army book can't hurt -- can it?

Combat Patrol 40k Orks for Seattle Bunker Tourney

Tomorrow is the Combat Patrol tourney at the Games Workshop Seattle Battle Bunker and I'm actually pretty excited. It's a 400-point mini-tourney and I'm running Orks. I decided on greenskins (as opposed to 'Nilla Marines or Guard) because I actually have 400 points of them painted.

My list is based on the boyz I have painted. I'm not gonna post it now cuz I don't want to lose my edge for tomorrow (like I have a chance -- I'm a *very* inexperienced player). Nonetheless, I'll wait until after the tournament is over. Then I can show off my 30th-place trophy with pride alongside my wonderful 400-point list.