Thursday, August 6, 2009

One more thing... Let's Talk Bowling

"The Crew" (aka everyone except Tyler and Jimmy) went to Bellevue's Swankiest bowling alley tonight, Lincoln Bowl.

It got me thinking about a new game. And that got me thinking about girls. Let me explain:

Reynor: "Hey -- let's make a Warhammer Fantasy version of bowling."
Jake: "What would we call it? Death Bowl?"


Reynor: "We could use scatter dice to indicate the direction the bowling ball goes."
Jake: (Nodding and pursing his lips in a Jakey kind of way) "That could work."
Reynor: "Or we could make the entire game kinetic based. That was H.G. Wells' original vision of wargames -- he said you should have to aim and actually shoot at models."
Jake: "I think it would be better if we bowl the actual models over."
Reynor: "Oh! And we could use Fanatics!"


So anyways, Jake got distracted cuz Kitty sat on him. I tried not to look at Drunk Garrit-cum-Hasselhoff reclining on one of the bowling sofas. So I gazed a couple alleys down at some Pretty Cute Girls. And I thought girls... girls... girls... and I realized a dorky game where we shoot/bowl over ACTUAL MODELS might be something chicks would dig. Don't ask me why. It doesn't make sense now, but at the time it did. Maybe I was just wishing for more chicks around besides the Lapdancee Carmen, Kitty the Wondergirlfriend and Maula, my Honorary Girlfriend (which gives her rights to be an ASB member).

Anyways back to bowling. Since Everything is Better with Greenskins(TM) I think the game should be all about Orcs and Goblins doing their own version of bowling. I don't think any other races should be involved in the game except maybe Dark Elves and Ogres (those are the only other two races that take an equal delight in hurting their own people). For the time being I prefer only Greenskins.

And I'm gonna get radical here. I'm gonna get crazy. I'm gonna say let's forget about numbers and stats. Let's make this about SKILLZ!!

So we got Fanatics, Orcs throwing them at Skull Pass Goblins, some kind of kinetic skill to do said knocking, and hot chicks getting out their aggression toward our "hobby." Sounds perfect.

What's missing?

Rubber bands.

Finger sling shots.

Bouncy balls.

Jeff dancing.

Have I missed anything?

So everybody break out your Skull Pass Goblins (and you know you have them). Run to QFC for a bouncy ball. Flirt with Maula on the way back... and LET'S GO BOWLING!

You think about that for awhile. I dare you. Cuz IT'S GONNA BLOW YOUR FREAKIN' MIND!!!!


P.S. I'm going to take this moment to confess that I have not seen "The Big Lewbowski." Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

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