The Horror: Obnoxious Opponents

Last week I wanted to quit this hobby whole hog because I played Fantasy with an obnoxious opponent* on a Friday evening. I soon regretted it.

Here's a few examples of my opponent's sins:

1. Bragging loudly to other gamers in the store about how I had not caused "one single wound" to his army.

2. Saying things like "So that's 11 more dead Gnoblars!" with a gleeful, taunting voice instead of just saying "11 wounds -- do you get a save?" with some sportsmanlike concern.

3. Forcing us to count out combat resolution when I was clearly down to double-ones. I kept saying, "Dude -- you won combat. I'm down to double ones. We don't have to do the dice counting thing." He replied: "But there's still Overkill to count!!!"

4. Not allowing me to concede the game at the end of turn 4 when I had only one unit left on the table. "It goes to turn 6," he said. He really really wanted to keep wailing on me (I think he was looking for a tabled game and bragging rights).

I should have known. I had heard this person say "I won my first game of Fantasy in 30 minutes!" and "I've only been playing Fantasy for three weeks. I've played six games and not lost a single one!" He has a great record? Terrific. But truly great gamers don't brag.

Look people -- if you are going to play any type of tabletop wargame, you have an obligation to your opponent: Provide entertainment for him/her for the entire game. She or he spent a lot of time and money on their models. They are spending a big chunk of their day with you (three hours for a 2250 Fantasy game). Be nice. Don't brag. Let your opponent concede. Offer advice. Be sympathetic.

Gil and I played against great opponents in our first game during the Doubles Tournament. I rolled horribly. Our Ogres ran and died and burned and cried. The whole time our opponents were gracious and kind and seemed to honestly feel bad. Later they said "Sure -- we wanted to win -- but not like that." The important thing is they were respectful and allowed us to laugh at ourselves. We had fun playing them even though they absolutely immolated us.

Anyway -- the moral of the story: Be nice and people will play with you. Be a jerk and you'll find yourself with fewer people to play.

'Nuff said.

*By the way, said this particular opponent is a fictional amalgam of the last few super-obnoxious people I have played against in the last month or two.

Fantasy

I miss Fantasy. I do I do.

And while I like War of the Ring, my gut tells me that the ASB crew is not going to be too stoked for it after the 1k tourney.

So um hmmmm.

Will you guys play Fantasy with me? I can't play on Tuesday night and really want to play. ALSO: I'm still trying to decide what army to start or how to engineer my orcs to be more reliable.

BUT MAINLY I WANT TO PLAY. So play with me.

Quandry

Quandry:

Jeff wants my Rohan stuff. I already promised it to Gil. But Jeff gave me at least half of it in the first place.

So what's the ethical thing to do?

Time for some boy stuff

Despite the fact that I love all this haircutting stuff at Gene Juarez Academy, about halfway through cropping a mannequin's hair the other day, I turned to my classmate and said: "Okay. I'm ready for some boy stuff now."

Don't get me wrong. I loves me some beauty school. Like Jeff (AKA Conan), I spend my days surrounded by beautiful women. There's even one I have my eye on. And I'm also feeling confident about my cutting skillz. But dang it all if I don't want to do some guy stuff.

A Wednesday evening of shenanigans at Conan's parents' Bond Villain-esque swimming pool helped (aided by the sexiness of a party store Bond girl in bikini). But I gotta find time to get to the Bunker, B.S. with the crew, roll some dice and eat some junk food. Then I can get back to cutting hair and flirting with the hot chick who likes Dragonforce and military history.

Enjoying the hobby all alone...

It's nearly noon and I have just rolled out of bed after reading the adventures of Ciaphas Cain for the last few hours.

Had a down day at beauty school yesterday. It would seem as though my Catachan-sized fists are too big for haircutting shears. Of course most of them are made for women. But after meeting with a shear specialist, it appears as though none will fit my massive thumbs. So I'm using razor-sharp professional shears (larger, but not by much). The result? My hands are nipped up (lost the top of a couple of knuckles). It feels as though I will never be able to d oit right. So yesterday and this morning I felt despondent. At least until I returned to the 41st Millenium.

After a few hours of disappearing into the universe of the Imperial Guard and a shallow, self-centered Commissar, I am cured of my depression. Over the last two weeks, I have rarely traveled to my Oasis of Perpetual Childhood, the Seattle Battle Bunker. But I realized there are many ways to escape into the Games Workshop hobby while nary breathing a word to my long-lost fellow hobbyists. Even with hands too traumatized to hobby, a fat, meaty, funny 40k novel can lift my spirits and help me see my way to another 11-hour day of cutting mannequin hair tomorrow.

And, though I seem miserable with this haircutting thing, I'm not. It's super creative and artistic. I'm having a ton of fun. And my fellow beauty schoolers are pleasant (and attractive) companions. Nonetheless, I am thankful to Games Workshop and it's kooky collection of childish distractions for lifting my spirits YET AGAIN.

Games Workshop, in the name of the Emperor, I salute you.

Ogre League

This is an idea I've had for a little while. Mini Ogre battles.

As you all know, I have a zillion Ogres. And I have never failed to have fun playing with them, even though they like to run away from things like skeletons, zombies and night goblins. But they are always fun. And when I (or we, in the case of Gil and I) win, it feels so good.

Anyhoo, I gots a lot of them. Most of them are even painted! So I thought about having a night every so often where we throw down with Ogres. Split 'em up into little 500-pt teams and duke it out. Have a ladder. Etc. Blah blah blah.

The metagame would be interesting. What combo of Ogres would do best? How fast would the games go? What if we threw in some other creatures against Ogres?

I know that there are already rules for Pit Fighter, which feature an Ogre character. But that game is a little different from what I'm envisioning here. I'm envisioning pure Ogres with a little more Warhammer Fantasy rules. Heck, we could even boost it up to a few more points over time.

Mostly, I think it would be fun to see how other players field and play with Ogre armies. And while there are people who don't like to see similar armies play against each other, in this case it makes sense. Ogres like to fight almost as much as Greenskins. So it would make perfect sense for them to battle each other.

Anyways, it all goes back to my idea of having fun fast games in short evenings (like between 8 p.m. and 10 p.m.). Maybe it would start as simple as one Ogre versus another. Maybe Pit Fighter rules are the best?

Anyways, that's my idea of the day. Maybe it's too big? Maybe we should just stick to Pit Fighter?

Stop. Baby time.

As most of you know, I'm the father of a nine-month old baby, Kaliq.

His mother and I split up due to super unfortunate circumstances which I won't delve into here. She's been caring for him for the last nine months. However, she has just started nursing school. Full on nursing school. She's in school 40 hours a week and still finds a way to work 24 hours a week. Add homework on top of all that and she has very little time for baby Kaliq.

Enter Daddy Reynor. Up until now I've been spending two days a week with baby. Now he is over at my house almost every other night. His mom is so busy she can't even pick him up from his grandmother's house after she is done studying.

Personally, I love it. I love being able to spend quality time with my son. I also hope I am alleviating some of his mommy separation anxiety. Meanwhile, I'm my bit for the allure of all womanity by studying at Gene Juarez Academy. Unfortunately, all this good stuff means less time at the Battle Bunker and less time at Adult Swim.

So I'm narrowing down my projects (hence Sir Gil's inheritance of my Rohan WoTR army). And I'm doing a lot of hobbying at home during nap time. I'm also thinking about focusing on my Specialist Games projects a little more. Instead of lusting after a 200-man Empire army, maybe I'll make a colorful Marienberg Mordheim Warband? Instead of starting a super duper Imperial Guard army, maybe I'll get a command box of Catachans and make a core force for Necromunda. Heck, maybe I'll even focus on some of the nifty Warhammer Skirmish scenarios that the big GW unleashed a few years back (ancient history to some of you kiddies out there)

Oh yeah. And I may just go against the Aydult Suhwim grain and do some small force painting for the dreaded iHate (TM) Warhammer 40,000.

And then there are my ever-luvin' blue-eyed Ogres. (They never shoulda signed up for that trip inta space with Reed). I've got a few and could get a few more :D. They are minimum painting time to be sure. Read more later on.

In any case, time is tighter than ever. Yet my passion for the hobby is no less than it has been. It just means smaller doses and maybe less time chilling with all youse guys.

So I'll continue posting my brilliant ideas on my bloggy and hope that some of you kids out there would welcome the chance to play with me (Pit Fighter anyone?) I'll also try to seduce my GW virgin friends into said games.

A few guidelines I'm looking for in GW game funness:

- Games you can play in an hour or so. Blood Bowl definitely doesn't fit this category unless we go to the Chess clock style of play (Jason has one).
- Inquisitor. I think this game is actually designed to be played in one-hour chunks. The narrative, non-competitive aspect of it also gives me braingrins.
- Mordheim. This is the queen of quick-play games. And my dwarf warband is ready for some serious warpstone delving. True, one-off games of this fabulous mini-Fantasy game are not that exciting (campaigns are its heart).
- Lord of the Rings. Remember that Tabletop Strategy Game that everyone used to play before WoTR came out? You know the one you can play with a couple dozen models real fast-like? That could be fun, too.

Good thing we're all waaay into Blood Bowl at the moment. There's also talk of Necromunda. Brian is busting out some super duper Inquisitor terrain (and I'm recruiting RPG lovers to join the fray -- guys who never play GW games). So there are promises of smaller games ahead -- stuff I can squeeze into a short evening after school. Hopefully you guys will be willing to throw down for some of these games.

Sir Gil, I bequeath you, Rohan

Since I'm spending the next 13 months of my life learning to make the women of the world even beautifuller at Gene Juarez Academy, it seems as if I will not have time to play in the upcoming War of the Ring tournament. I am left with 54 Riders of Rohan (though two of those horsies are for Jose and Alex), a bunch of Oathsworn Militia and Bowmen, Theoden, Eomyr, etc.

And Sir Gil, you have shown a decided interest in painting and playing with said Rohirrim. Therefore, at our next earliest convenience I shall bequeath all that is Rohan to you.

Please crush the following people with it:

- Jeff
- Jose
- Jake

You may also crush other players as you see fit. Crushing Garrit and Alex is optional because they play Elves.

Old War Stories

Though I haven't been in a 40k mood for a long while, I loved the article "Old War Stories" in the latest White Dwarf.

It struck me as the perfect kind of tabletop game -- the narrative kind. Two friends make up a story background; kind of a "Previously, on 'Lost.'" A small group of Catachan survivors of an Ork planetary infestation are determined to infiltrate the greenskin camp to recover the proud banners of their tattered Battalions. They are hopelessly outnumbered by the green horde. They have one thing on their side: stealth.

The two gamers involved make up the whole story. They dream up characters. They create their own rules to govern the Catachan sneaky knife guy "He-Who-Has-No-Name." Essentially, they are game masters -- for each other. It's sort of a large scale RPG. They are interested more in the drama and not the "I win!" moment.

This article made me remember why I got into 40k waaaaay back in the dawn of time (also known as 1988). At the time 40k was a narrative skirmish game -- a hybrid wargame and RPG. It's creator, Rick Priestly, meant it to be something revolutionary. And it was. But not in the way he anticipated.

But I digress.

Back in '88 I liked 40k for it's possibilities as a "two player RPG." And at the time, I was recovering from an assault, two surgeries, and partial brain damage (something that affects me to this day -- no jokes). So me and my buddy Tony (not Tony from the Bunker, though yes, we're both old guys) got into 40k cuz we wanted to do "something like D&D" without needing a group (funny how friends drop out of yoru life when you almost die).

Anyways, long and the short of it is I am hoping to make up some stories like this and play them out with people. I'm imagining 40k and Fantasy scenerios patterned after movies. Wouldn't "Con Air" be terrific? Or "The Rock?" (Ultimate early 90s cheese :P )

K well I gotta take Isaac to Academy. So I'll catch up with youse hipsters later.

Back to Orcs n Goblins... a new list

Sorry I haven't posted in a few days and all. Old news: Gil and I managed to take Best Overall at the 750-point ASB Doubles Tournament. We won due to Gil's excellent painting skillz and the fact that we had a blockbuster win (our only win) in the last game. Terrific tournament, fellow ASBers.

Anyways, I've been looking back into my Orcs n Goblins cuz I miss the green little bastiches and I also have like a gazillion of them so why notz? At first I thought about totally trying to eliminate Animosity by running only Animosity-less units. You know, things like Black Orcs, Giants, Uber-chariots, etc. Or by running Azhag the Slaughterer, who allows me to reroll all my animosity rolls of 1 -- essentially giving me way more control over the movement of my units.

Then I found a terrific website called Da Warpath. It's got a pretty active community of Orcs N Goblins playas. One thread is called "Ultimate Tournament List." I checked it out and one guy swears by this list. I have all the models on the list save two: A warboss on wyvern and a giant. Anyways, this list is (supposedly) the current top build for Orcs N Goblins. It seems a little risky to me though cuz there are some pretty spendy units (especially the easy-to-kill giant).

So here's the list. Personally I think it's as close to cheesy as you can get with Orcs N Goblins -- a list that, in my humble opinion, is not broken and that you'd have to try pretty hard to construct it in a broken way.

The list:

Black Orc Warboss on Wyvern
Shagga's Screamin' Sword
Enchanted Shield
Bigged's Kickin' Boots

Black Orc Boss on Boar BSB
Mork's Spirit Totem

23 Orc Boyz, Full Command (BSB goes here)
Light Armour
Shields

Goblin Big Boss on Wolf Chariot
Wollapa's One Hit Wunda
Triksy Trinket

Goblin Shaman
Dispel Scroll X deux (I know, I know...)

Night Gobbos X 25
2x fanatics
short bows

Night Gobbos X 25
2x fanatics
short bows

Goblin Wolfriders x 5
Musician

Goblin Wolfriders x 5
Musician

Goblin Wolf Chariot

20 Black Orcs, Full Command
Shields
Gork's Waaaagh!

4 x Spear Chukkas

Doom Diver Catapault

Giant

Anyways that's my list. I'm itching to play it -- mostly because I want to try and get a better hold on how to play my Orcs n Goblins. I don't think it will allow the kind of tactical maneuvering to the OnG that I was hoping for -- but it should be fun. Also, the Warboss on the Wyvern would be terrifically sweet for flying around fast, bolstering leadership where needed.

So far as the Blorcs are concerned, I know they are a points sink. But so are normal boyz due to low leadership. Babysitting them with a formidable warboss is kind of a shame. So this build allows the Warboss to fly around and fight (if needed) and the BSB babysits the boyz. Other than that, only the Gobbos suffer from animosity and well, they are cheap.

Oh Yeah, I posted the pic of the new Azhag model cuz it's super sweet. I probably will get the generic Warboss on Wyvern model before the new Azhag comes out in September, but I'll almost definitely get Azhag.

If Magic Sucks (TM) then why not go historical?

Over at Adult Swim Bunker, the conversation as of late has been about Magic and it sucking. Here's the philosophy -- wizards and their various accoutrement cost so much points wise that it's barely worth fielding them due to their randomness.

So why don't we throw down with some historical?

Jeff wants to build a Gengis Khan army. I'd love to do Romans or even an English Pike-&-Shot force. In the interest of fun, there's nothing to say that these two armies can't fight each other. Heck, some historical rules are so detailed (Field of Glory, anyone?) that you can use ancient tactics and army composition and expect the requisite results.

Not only that, the miniatures are less expensive. And finding them isn't a total unknown. Stuff by longtime Citadel sculptors, the Perry brothers, is available locally at The Panzer Depot. It's even plastic. Heck, Bretonnians, Empire and some Lord of the Rings minis could be "pressed into service" (as Rick Priestly says) for historical battles.

In many ways, it seems like a good solution to some of the cheese in WHFB. The rules for Field of Glory are renown for their balance (my understanding is the GW Historical rules are none too shabby, either). Not only that, Osprey, Slitherine, and even Games Workshop are not interested in selling you minis for historical; they don't manufacture them.

One last bonus -- lots of the historical guys paint up their forces and build their terrain to "re-enact" ancient scenerios. In the end, they aren't so concerned about who wins the game -- they just want to analyze all the strategic possibilities of the conflict and watch it unfold on the tabletop. So our final frustration with tabletop gaming, overt competitiveness, could be cooled as well?

So maybe in this day of frustration with rules balance, cheese lists and sucktacular Magic, it's time for us to go to the root of our hobby and wax historical with our minis.

Who knows? We may learn a bit about real tactics and even learn some history on the way.

To Empire or not to Empire?

So I'm going to beauty school at Gene Juarez starting July 14. I've bought some Daemons to paint up (aka dry brush and wash) before I start. But I want to start working on another army for *while* I'm at beauty school. Though I've been flirting with the idea of doing Wood Elves, my other idea is Empire.

It seems to me that with the Empire list you can build just about any kind of army you want. Want to go big-regiment infantry, supported by detachments? Done. Want a gunline? No problem. Want artillery? You can have it. Magic. It's in there. Heck, you can even go uber-cheese and drop in a couple plastic S.Tanks and a War Altar.

Personally the detachment system appeals to me most (perhaps supported by handguns). It offers me the opportunity to do the kind of tactical manuevering that I envisioned with my Orcs & Goblins before I was rudely awoken by the truth of animosity.

The latest White Dwarf has a tactica article waxing about the glories of the detachment system. However it ultimately totes the gunline as the way to win with Empire. Now don't get me wrong. Shooting has it's place in Warhammer. But having been obliterated by gunline armies, I can attest to how boring they can be. Not only that, gunlines reminds me of blue-coated American soldiers gunning down Native Americans in movies like "Dances With Wolves" and "Little Big Man."

On the other hand a "pike and shot"-like system of spearmen supporting musketeers seems like an ideal solution. Lots of close combat nastiness. But lots of fun in the shooting phase as well. I'm not sure if the Fantasy rules would allow such a setup to be effective (Warhammer Historical English Civil Wars has rules for it, however...)

Overall, I'd say the raw versatility of the Empire list appeals to me most. I don't mind it being a "horde" army. I don't even mind that it's a challenge to paint (I plan on painting this army over the 13 months I will be in school).

Mostly, I want my next Fantasy army to be the "last" Fantasy army that I build. That doesn't mean that I will *never* build another Fantasy army again (heaven forbid). It just means that I will want to focus on this army and build and tune it over the next year. Originally I intended to buy the bulk of it before I start school and work on it on my days off (there's no homework in beauty school). Maybe start off spending $300 to $400? Or even just a Battalion box and move from there? Realistically, I could see myself pouring waaaay more than $400 into the army over the year. But that's the whole thing: I only want to put my money into one (Fantasy) army. So I'm thinking it should be an army I can do *anything* with.

So those are my thoughts. Though I'm tempted by the call of Athel Loren, Empire still appeals to me for it's versatility and breadth of scale.

How long does cheese stay phresh?

Okay well as y'all know, I've become looking into building a Wood Elves army. So I've done some surfing and reading and found out that until a couple years ago, a certain "Treemonic Legion" list was among the cheesiest of cheese at Warhammer tourneys.

But that was before the High Elves, Dark Elves, Warriors of Chaos, Vampire Counts and Daemons of Chaos books were released.

So here's the question: are Treemonic Legions lists still cheese these days or merely "competitive-friendly?" Perhaps. I'm almost certain, however, that a "balanced" Wood Elves list would be more than friendly and perhaps a tough list to win with for a beginner.

Still, it begs the question: How long does cheese remain cheesy?

Wood Elves phreak fest

Last week at ASB, we somehow got on the topic of Wood Elves. I think I was trying to goad Jake's GF, Kitty, into building and painting an army with me. All I said was "Wood Elves" and several people freaked out.

Jake excitedly rambled off the pros of the WE list -- skirmishing units, strength 4 longbows at 24 inches, treesurfing, etc (most of which I still don't understand the awesomeness of). Garrit freaked out cuz a) he loves him some Elves and b) "No one else is playing Wood Elves." Hmmm. Too bad my son Isaac and I were on our way out the door. Would have loved to talk about it more. Just as we were about to leave, Jeff yelled from his room "Wood Elves are gay and only gay people play them!" Despite the fact that I seriously dislike it when people use the word "gay" as a pejorative, I was interested in the list. As Jake says, "We all like it when Jeff loses."

I went home, opened up my folder of WHFB downloads and fired up the WE Army Book. Hmmm. Some good stuff. On Saturday I swooped by the Bunker and snapped up a "real" version of the Army book. "I just found out Jeff hates Wood Elves," I told Evan. "So I have to at least read this."

So my interest is peaked. Maybe Wood Elves, not Empire, will be the army I paint over the next year while I'm going to Gene Juarez Academy? Who knows -- and chime in. Meanwhile, I'd like to learn why Jeff so abhors the WE list.